You Were Built To Bend Not Break

It was February and my life was a disaster. A downhill slide of unfortunate thing after another and I was frustrated. I was eighteen years old and learning how to navigate adulthood and newfound independence after a literal lifetime of being a dependent and it was hard! After many months of new, not so fun experiences like paying (albeit very cheap, subsidized) rent for the first time (among other bills), my resilience was wearing thin. My car had broken down (again) and I had just been dumped by my first boyfriend of adulthood (among many other less than stellar moments that were beating me down) and there were many nights of frustrated, defeated tears. I felt like a failure, like I couldn't handle what life was giving me and I surely must be disappointing my parents and loved ones. So many small and not so small things had not gone the way I'd wanted and expected and I was hurting.

My dad received what must've been an annoying amount of phone calls and texts from me, his downright depressed daughter. In true Tom fashion he did his best to try to fix all of the problems and attempt to understand the nuances of my turmoil of emotions. He tried his best to recognize them and have compassion instead of just immediately working through my issues, which for a man whos much more black and white and a "let's fix it" kinda person, I imagine was hard. For that, I am very thankful. I deeply appreciate his attempts to support me in the way's I needed. 

There is one text from my dad during this time that stuck with me like no other. It completely changed my perspective and the trajectory of my life, and I believe his words hold immense power. He told me, "But now you're rolling with the punches, taking what life throws at you and bending not breaking." Wow. Bending not breaking. Three words that meant so much more in that moment than the three words, "I love you." 

When you change your perspective you change your life. What my dad gave me was a simple mantra, a simple new outlook. I could feel like a failure or I could look at all I'd endured, all I had survived. I was strong. I was able to withstand hardship after hardship and bend, adapt. 

Was it fun? Absolutely not. It was hard. However, for all of the tough crap life had handed my way, I was tougher. These three words didn't magically make my life better or easier but it made it easier to get some of my self confidence back, to look at the crap and have confidence that I could handle it. 

After my breakup a friend from several years prior when I was hospitalized for my mental health picked me up and took me to a pottery painting studio. My inspiration, obviously, was that simple phrase "bending not breaking." I made a plan to make myself a plate with those words. While crafting my plate, funnily enough, I was forced to practice the art of bending instead of breaking when I accidentally wrote the phrase as "breaking not bending" not once, but twice. Two separate times I paused in my work to scrape away my error and try again. Each time, I forced myself to breathe and be adaptable, and to commit to my memory that I was bending not breaking. 

My plate was a pale green with "bending not breaking" penned in a dark green across the middle. On the outskirts of my circular plate I painted a ring of different colored strawberries. It was very me and very special to me. The turn of a new leaf.

Ultimately, I loved my plate so much that I decided to try and turn it into a postcard or card that I could sell. Something I believe strongly in is the importance and power of happy mail (receiving something other than a bill or your own purchase). A friend I made in the psych ward who wrote me letters during my stay there, always signed with "much love, insert name" at the end. Those letters meant so much to me and gave me so much hope. They are undoubtedly the reason I commit so much of my time to sending mail and why I love designing mail for others to send and share. 

I hope in your life you can remember my fathers words and work to change your perspective. The things you may be facing may hurt and suck and potentially be downright cruel, but you are strong. You are taking what life throws at you and rolling with the punches. You don't have to handle every chunk of adversity with perfection, what matters is that you try. I hope you are willing to try and willing to fight because I strongly believe that your life is worth living and that you bring beautiful things to the table. The world is beautiful with you in it and you are stronger and more loved than you know.

I love you.